I was going to the grocery with my husband driving our family car and as we were having a nonchalant conversation, another driver suddenly cut us off and merged into the lane beside us. My husband was caught by surprise and immediately erupted in anger. Even if I told him he has every right to be upset, he went on and on how the other driver almost hit us and how incompetent the other driver is to the extent that his behavior towards me and the kids are being affected by how he feels towards to other driver and I remember thinking to myself, how many times have I been in that situation and reacted the same way. It may be someone else talking behind my back or someone upsetting me because they said hurtful words to me, or me being upset because someone lied to me, or simply getting stuck in traffic because there is an accident. I realized that the only thing I can control are my feelings, the way I think and react and the way I talk. I can only control myself. My environment and the situation will still be the same, people that I interact with will still be the same, the places I go to will still be in the same location. The series of events that happen in my life will recycle and repeat but I can change. I can change how I react in situations; I can choose to engage or disengage with the people I interact with. I have full authority over myself to control everything in me and let go of everything else around me. The moment I engage in situations that I know I should not, I am lowering my vibrations. I am misaligning myself to my authentic self. I am soaking in the negative frequencies that I know does not serve its purpose. I am letting external factors change me and control me.
It took me a while to fully embrace what I realized and even now, I am still struggling at times. It is the human side of me that is struggling to understand and let go of control. It is normal and natural to hold on old patterns and behaviors to control the situation I am into and I know if I want to be the best version of myself, I must release one old pattern, one old behavior at a time. There is nothing more fulfilling knowing I have done something I am uncomfortable and slowly succeeding. Being mindful of my own feelings, understanding what triggers me and finding the source of my triggers and eventually releasing all of my attachments to the negative feelings, experiences, memories in me are among the things I learned. I understand that controlling the situation is my egoic mind’s way of keeping me sane because it is familiar, I find comfort in it. I like to be in a calculated and well planned situation because anything outside of that will make me feel threatened. When I understand all of these things, I slowly learned to loosen the leash and just go with the flow. I finally accepted that there are things that are beyond my control. The moment I planned on every detail that has to go with what I am doing, I am actually not living in the present but very much so focused in my future which doesn’t make sense.
When I started to fully emerge myself with the Law of Attraction and how it translates to manifesting the life I wanted, I learned that staying in control is a form of resistance. Any form of resistance, hinders my ability to attract and manifest. I must be consciously aware of who I am rather than what I want in my life because when I invest my energy into becoming who I want to be, everything else will follow. Looking back to where I was before, I have come a long way. I have gained knowledge and learned tools on letting go of control and just surrendering to experiencing what is as is. I know I will be challenged and it is okay, it is part of my evolution. I take each experience and learn from it. I don’t need to delve myself into controlling how I want my life to be based on what my egoic mind wants. I must learn to let go and enjoy life.